One, two, three, four: Tell me, how many do you want to go for?

Time Magazine recently debunked a whole bunch of myths related to only children. The main findings from the author's research is that only children aren't really that much different from other children. In fact, some studies have suggested that only children score higher on SATs and have higher self-esteem. Does this mean that children with siblings are dumb and hate themselves? No, of course not! But perhaps we have been misled by stereotypes when we think about only children.

A big debate is happening in our house right now. Actually, that's not true - it's just happening in my head. Every day, I wake up with a different thought:

"I will try for another baby"

VS.

"What, are you crazy!? No more babies!"

It seems easy for some people - they either embrace the only-child thing, or they have always been sure about multiple children (some are so sure that they bang them out in a matter of a few years!) I'm more curious to hear from the people out there who just don't know...who wake up each day having made a different decision than the day before.

I love babies. I wouldn't be doing doula work if I didn't love babies.

But do I want to love another one of MY babies? Gah!

First of all, I realize that I'm already assuming that I would be blessed with a pregnancy. I've heard of plenty of women who have tried for a second child (after a fairly easy conception the first time around), only to discover a fertility issue. So I realize this "debate" in my head is entirely based on the assumption that I would actually get pregnant if we tried.

I keep listing off all the reasons why we should try for another child - A. needs a sibling; I want to bring another child into the world; I wonder if we're "complete" as a family; and somewhere deep down I worry whether I'm a "real Mom" if I don't have more children (this is a belief that I think truly exists out there - just listen to this quote from Jessica Alba). And as more and more friends have second babies and announce pregnancies, I do feel the pressure mounting.

The pressure in my HEAD of course....brought on entirely by myself.

So why don't I want another baby? There are a number of reasons, which maybe some of you can relate to.

Personally, I don't know if I was cut out for this Motherhood Thing. And I'm not just saying that so you'll leave nice comments telling me how great of a Mom I am - I'm saying it because I really believe that some women have a harder time adjusting to motherhood and all its demands. Perhaps it was lack of preparation, or unrealistic expectations...or a bit of both! I feel very well adjusted right now, and love my daughter to bits, but the newborn stage is just not for me.

So then my head tells me: ok, fine, why don't you just suck it up and get through the newborn stage? It's not that long!

But there are other questions: how will I do doula work with two children? How will we afford me being on maternity leave with no benefits? Can I juggle two children when I find one to be a challenge?

Many unanswered questions, and I know I've got some time. While a decision doesn't need to be made today, I certainly don't want to be wavering for many years to come.

So tell me - what do you think? Are you an only child? What was your experience growing up? If you're having children, or planning for children, do you know exactly how many you want? Why?

Temptation

We all have those times - kids have cried all day, hit other kids, screamed at you, screamed at other kids, and refused to nap. By dinnertime, you are exhausted and in need of a serious break.

The easiest thing to do is to flip through your take-out menus and actually give yourself a break.

BUT...

1) You just did this 3 days ago (pizza night)

2) Face it, every day kind of sucks right now (life with toddler)

3) Your bank account doesn't need another hit

4) There is perfectly good food in the fridge


I know...the temptation is there.

Sometimes, I'll admit, I give in to it. But tonight I didn't!

I am a huge fan of soups. Why? Because they're so darn easy, and you really don't need to follow a recipe. Plus, if you've forgotten to defrost some meat, you can just go vegetarian instead! Here are the basic ingredients for any fabulous soup, and I will give you some substitutes if you're really scrounging around:






2 tbsp Oil (butter will do...heck, any fat will do)

1 tsp Garlic (ok, if you're seriously desperate you can just use garlic powder. But do you have any ginger??)

1 Onion, chopped (no onion? What about leeks? Tip: cut big quantities of these things now while they're in season, and freeze! And, in a pinch, you can always skip the onion)

Spice (go crazy! Liven up a soup with anything, and try different combinations: thyme & oregano, cumin & thyme, basil&oregano&thyme&rosemary, cumin & curry powder)

2 cups Vegetables (really, this can be anything. But the best veggies for soups are clearly: carrots, celery, potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, peas, turnips...am I missing anything?)

1/2 cup Lentils (or chickpeas, or black beans...any kind of legume will work. Just remember that some legumes require extra cooking time. I always prefer red lentils because they're so fast!)

3-4 cups Veg., Beef or Chicken Stock (you CAN do water here, and just add some salt for flavour, but it may taste a little bland)

Extras: these things are just for fun! Tonight I tried a few spoonfuls of diced tomatoes and 1 tbsp Red Wine Vinegar. You can top with grated cheese, sour cream and chives.

Start by heating the oil. Sautee the garlic, onion and spices until onion is soft. Add the veggies and legumes; stir, and then add the stock. Bring to a boil and then simmer until everything is tender. Add more stock/water if you see it getting low. Unless you want a stew, of course!

Bon appetit!

Someday

Someday I will have my own farm, and raise Nubian goats, hens and grow a massive vegetable garden

Someday I will join a choir and let loose my singing voice

Someday I will take that French course and become bilingual

Someday I will travel to Scandanavia....and Eastern Europe...and every state in the US...and New Zealand...and....oh, too many!

Someday I will learn how to golf, and will become a serious match for hubby

Someday I will have more money to donate to the causes I care so much about

Someday I will travel overseas as a doula, and support women in developing countries

Someday I will finally learn how to reduce stress

Someday I will have a conservatory, and will spend my mornings in the cool sweetness of a residential greenhouse

Someday I will be able to say "I know myself, and I'm OK"

What will you do someday?

BMI: Better Meaning for It?

Oh....the BMI. Sigh.

Touted as THE measurement of body fat, it is based on a calculation of our weight and height. If you've been living under a rock these past twenty years, do a little Google search and calculate your own BMI. Where do you fall on the curve?

How do I hate the BMI? Let me count the ways:

1) It lumps individuals into categories - uber-skinny, thin, "normal" (whatever that means), overweight and obese

2) It is reductive

3) It shows nothing about a person's overall health

4) It is pervasive - used in every part of our health care system as a measuring stick for "good" and "bad" (i.e. skinny and fat)

In prenatal care, women with high BMIs are immediately slated for special (i.e. high-risk) treatment. If you didn't already know you had to lose a few pounds, watch out, because you'll certainly know now! You may be lucky and score a decent doctor, who is respectful, kind and willing to treat you as a person. But you may be unlucky to get stuck with a doctor who sees you only as BMI 32 (or wherever you land on that retched curve).

I can't understand how a medical community that is so research-focused and relies only on evidence-based information could miss the boat on this one. The BMI is only useful in context; in relation to a woman's overall health. I know plenty of women that fall over the "overweight" or "obese" line, and who are clearly neither. And yet because they walk around with that number tatooed on their face, their prenatal care can be significantly compromised.

There are plenty of studies out there showing that BMI is not successful in determining an individual's overall health. I won't begin referencing them here, but a quick Wikipedia search will put you in the right direction.

Instead, I have come up with several different meanings for the acronym BMI, just for fun. Play along and send me some more!


Bogus Measuring Instrument

Belittling Methodological Idea

Bitchy Medical Interns

Brainwashing Method (made by) Idiots

BITE ME INDEX

Singing a sweet song

I'm joining Capital Mom today by blogging about a moment from my life based on a theme she has provided. This week’s Monday Moment theme is Singing. Check out all the other great bloggers following Monday Moments.

There was a time in my life that I could say "I'm a singer." I wrote songs. I recorded them. And I belted them out as a busker and amateur open mic night-gal.

In high school, my piano teacher used to say to me: "you would be such a great pianist if you could just put some passion into your playing."

But I couldn't find the passion. I instead found fear - lots and lots of fear.

My stage fright grew to epic proportions in high school, when I would be forced to play a "test" in front of the class, all the while shaking so badly that the bow would bounce and skitter across my strings.

My fear of failing meant that I could never pour my heart and soul into music. The "perfect" performance was always there, snickering at me from behind the curtain. And so I turned away from music, and life sent me in a different direction....until I decided it was time to face my fear.

I joined a singing group with coach Art Nefsky, an eccentric (but very amiable!) fellow in Toronto. The classes consisted of a small group of individuals - all with great voices - who were absolutely terrified to perform in front of others. We would get up on his little stage and sing to a karaoke machine, while he would lob instructions our way: "Sing like you're drunk!" "Pretend you're Beyonce Knowles!" "OK, now do that again, only begin every word with an F!" Soon we'd be singing with abandon, not really caring how ridiculous we looked. Because, damn, we sounded good!

Although I moved away from Toronto and Art's basement studio, I took my new found confidence with me. I even recorded several songs I had written, just to be able to say "that's my song."

My CD sits on a shelf now, and I look at it wistfully from time-to-time. I know friends that have made music their life, and I am sometimes jealous of them, touring the country and performing. But although I wish I had more time to play and sing, I feel a sense of pride at having silenced my fear and amplified my voice.

Here's to sweet songs.

Thank goodness for neighbours!

Image Source: froghollow.bc.ca

Hubby and I have lived in many places - St. Catharines, Toronto, Hunstville, Trois-Pistoles (QC), and now 4 different neighbourhoods in Ottawa.

What we noticed about our past experiences was the lack of community - although we met a select few street-mates who we really clicked with, these pockets of homes where we spent our days seemed to be missing something. There was no one to call on for a cup of sugar, few people who greeted us every day, and no real sense of safety.

After we had A, we realized that a good community was really important for us. I felt isolated in my little apartment, and being a New Mom with no family around is daunting.

We moved to Orleans over a year ago, based on the fact that some of Tom's family live nearby. We knew this would make things a bit easier on us, as there is always someone to call in a pinch. I have never wanted to live in the suburbs, and always imagined myself renting a great little apartment somewhere close to the city core. I don't like the idea of suburbs, with their mile-upon-mile of cookie cutter homes and lack of small businesses.

But the day we moved into our home, people from all around came over to introduce themselves and help with the heavy lifting. Our cousins and aunt/uncle are part of this group, but even more than great family here, there are good neighbours.

What makes a good neighbour?

Someone who takes the time to stop and talk to you, even when you're all in a rush to get out in the morning

Someone who puts your garbage out when they notice you've forgotten

Someone who leaves fresh produce and baked goods on your fence!

Someone you feel comfortable asking to look after the place while you're on vacation

Someone who will "call in the troops" when you've lost a pet, been broken into, or experienced some other kind of loss

We lost our dog the other day, and she has been returned to us safetly, thanks to some kindly neighbours who found her and turned her in. We not only feel grateful to them, but to all the people who (some not even knowing who we were!) scoured the neighbourhood for the little pug. I was imagining a hit and run, animal cruelty or even someone taking Darcy and deciding not to return her. Man, have I ever become cynical!

It saddens me that many of these "good" neighbours are older - what is it about our generation, which seems to distrust so much? Why do we go out of our way to avoid our neighbours? I see other Moms walking down the street with their children, and I long to stop and talk. But my reasoning for not doing so is that I am just "bothering" them. That somehow they will be annoyed with the fact that I want to have a little chat.

Our generation needs to reach out again. Our neighbourly instincts are being lost in this era of anxiety and fear, and nothing is getting any easier for families this way.

So here's a little challenge to you all - go out and meet one new neighbour this week. Find out more about them - you'll be surprised at the kindness and generosity you will find in others.

Pug has checked out

You've all probably been reading from my Twitter and Facebook accounts (and of course, my frantic calls to family and friends) that our beloved pug Darcy is missing.

Last night was quiet around here - no snuffling and snorting; no sniffling and sneezing; no lapping of water or crunching of bones.

Today is being spent papering the neighbourhood with posters, and calling the City of Ottawa and Ottawa Humane Society in an attempt to locate her. This family isn't a family without our pug!

Tell me about your relationship with your pets (present or past) - have you ever lost a pet?