Bloom: A Review

Disclaimer: I'm not a book reviewer. I don't do this as a profession. There are many more talented people out there who review books. However, I read books - tons of them. I don't know how many books I've read in my lifetime, but it could be close to 10,000 (that's probably an exaggeration) So I have a fairly strong sense of what good writing looks like. And although I can't always agree that a book is "captivating" (just because it's a classic, for instance), I can certainly come to appreciate another reader's opinion. So if you've read Bloom, feel free to debate with me.

The lowly blogger's ultimate dream - a post goes viral, sponsors flock to your site, and publishers are pounding on your door, asking for a "tell all" memoir. It's happened a number of times (think Julie and Julia), and it will happen again.

And so it happened to Kelle Hampton, who wrote a heart wrenching blog post about her daughter's birth (when it was discovered she had Down Syndrome), and watched as the world shared the link, and then shared it some more.

Fast forward a couple of years, and the memoir is now on bookshelves. Bloom tells the story of Nella Cordelia's birth, and the family's realization that little Nella has an extra special chromosome. Interspersed in the present day story are short anecdotes from Kelle's own childhood (a bit of a dysfunctional family life, with a scandalous divorce in a tight-knit church community) and her life pre-children.

So...what's to like about this book? First off, it's gorgeous. The paper is coffee table quality, and about half the space is dedicated to Kelle's bright and airy photographs (who doesn't love photographs of the Floridian landscape? Is Floridian a word?). And if you're an avid reader of Kelle's blog, you'll be hit with her familiar style of writing. Her editors have clearly done a great job in keeping her "brand" in check.

Kelle provides just enough information to the reader to satisfy our curiosity, without over sharing. The book offers a very brief glimpse into her family life, her past and what she is working through at the present. But if you're looking for mud slinging or shocking stories, you won't find any. Just as Kelle's blog offers on a daily basis, this book is a tale of triumph - oh, and joy. Plenty of joy.

What's not to like about the book? Here's where my inner book critic eagerly jumps into the foray.

Her writing is somewhat repetitive. There are definitely chapters (or paragraphs) that involve family dialogue and stories, and these are the more interesting bits. The rest follows Kelle's style of grand similes and hyperbole, with quotations from the masters of poetry (e.g. Mary Oliver) thrown in here and there. Oh, and crying. Lots and lots of crying. She is clearly a creative, artistic and emotional individual, but it did grate on the nerves once or twice that the crying had to be described again.


And here's the other thing - if you're a parent of a child with special needs, this book (and probably Kelle's blog), might not be to your taste. Most likely, your days are not spent combing the beach for shells, and you may have a hard time summoning the "rah rah rah" attitude that Kelle imbibes. I can't imagine what a special needs parent goes through, but I know if my own life with a completely healthy child is any indication, I might maintain Kelle's optimism about 25% of the time. I'm British, what can I say. We love to whine and complain.

Despite some criticism, I liked this book, and I'll continue to read the blog. I look up to people with uncontrolled enthusiasm for life. I've always been attracted to positive women, and they represent to me the person I hope I may one day become (in another life of course...I'm still British in this life). When my house is a wreck and my child is screaming, looking at Kelle's blog doesn't make me jealous or sad. It just fills me with joy, and brings back memories of all the wonderful vacations my family spent together in Florida.

If nothing else, Bloom is the ultimate in self help. It's cozy, breezy, and warm, just like a Florida sunset. So grab your Pina Colada and enjoy. If it's not worth the $25 (in hardcover), it's certainly worth a trip to the library.

You've Got Mail!

It's been a bad day. Another migraine, dizziness, and nausea. You know, the usual. I'm trying to remain upbeat about it all, but I asked Tom last night,

"How many more months of this do I have?"


On good days I celebrate my changing body. I take the dog on long walks through our backyard ravine. I eat salad for lunch, and I do some yoga stretches.

But on bad days, nothing much helps, and I find myself lying on the couch staring at the wall.

Which is exactly what I was doing today when the UPS truck rolled up to a stop in front of my house, and deposited into my mailbox my pre-ordered copy of Bloom, by Kelle Hampton.

Excited? Oh yes, I'm excited!

I've written about Kelle's blog before, and although I know she receives a lot of criticism (on average, I receive 20 hits per day from people googling "kelle hampton hate" or "kelle hampton annoying"), I just can't help loving her blog. I know nothing about her personal life, or whether she's a "good" person, and frankly, I don't care.

What I know is that her writing inspires me. Her blog posts lift me up when I need to be lifted up. And her photography is truly stunning.

So after my bad day, I anticipate an evening curled up on the couch, savouring the first glossy pages of Bloom.

Why I Won't Be Doing Prenatal Screening

Image Source

In Ontario (and most of the developed world), pregnant women are offered something called Prenatal Screening. The screening usually involves both blood work and ultrasound, and is done at around 11 weeks.

In my first pregnancy, prenatal screening wasn't really offered as a choice to me. I began my pregnancy under the care of my family doctor, as I was still on the waiting list to get a midwife. Midwives practice something called informed choice - you are given all the relevant information about specific tests/procedures, and then it's up to you to make the final decision.

Most doctors, however, do not practice informed choice, and instead tend to offer up tests/procedures as the "normal" thing to do. There's a whole body of evidence out there which shows that most clinicians are not successful at involving their patients in making health care decisions.

So when prenatal screening comes up in pregnancy, it's not so much a choice, as it is "the thing to do." And so I did!

If women understand the consequences of the screening, and have a good grasp on what they would do with the information, then there is no problem. But when women are unsure, or consent to procedures without really understanding what's going to happen, then it is a problem.

Screening tests for three things - Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18 and Open Neural Tube Defects. You will be told your chance of having a baby with these conditions (e.g. 1 in 250), and if your chance is higher than expected, you have a positive result. This does not necessarily mean your baby has one of these conditions, but it does mean you're offered further diagnostic testing (usually in the form of amniocentesis, which carries its own risks). If an accurate diagnosis is made through amnio, then you have three options:

1) Prepare yourself for life with a child who has disabilities, or a child who will die shortly after birth (depending on the severity of the condition)

2) Plan to give your child up for adoption if you feel you cannot handle caring for a child with disabilities

3) Abort your pregnancy

Clearly, none of these options are what any parent wants to go through. We all want to have a healthy child. But once you choose to undergo prenatal screening, you must be able to think ahead and imagine what you might do with the information you are given. If you get a positive result, will you go for amniocentesis (despite its small risk of miscarriage)? If you get a diagnosis, which option will you choose?

Testing for these conditions also raises a number of ethical issues, and potentially better screening tools soon to come on the market may have parents choosing to abort before they've had a glimpse of their baby via ultrasound or through movements felt - before any kind of bonding has occurred. Some experts suggest that the abortion rate for parents who discover their baby has Down Syndrome could be as high as 90%. Parents of children with Down Syndrome are concerned over this fact, as clearly, children with Down Syndrome are just as loved/special/amazing as children without the extra chromosome. As genetic testing becomes more advanced and available, you have to wonder where this will take us? How far is too far?

The 90% abortion rate definitely scares me. As a second time parent, I have firsthand experience loving a child. I bonded with my baby immediately upon discovering I was pregnant this time around. But as a first-time mom, I remember the baby in my belly being kind of abstract. Bonding didn't happen until later (and probably even later than it happens between most other mothers and babies). If the test had discovered one of the three conditions, would I have considered abortion and gone on to have major regrets? Part of me thinks "no," that I would have just prepared myself for life with a child with disabilities, but I wonder if other mothers out there have regretted the hasty decision.

So this time around, we have opted not to do prenatal screening. If I received the diagnosis during pregnancy, I don't think the information would be good for my well being. I'm a worrier, and my anxiety would probably rise to unmanageable levels. Plus, I'm a kinesthetic learner - I learn by doing and experiencing, not by reading books or observing other people's experiences. So life with a child with disabilities would be a shock, but I would need to learn as I went along.

Plus, as my midwife put it, "if you're a woman who believes in letting nature take its course, then prenatal screening is probably not the right choice for you." And that's exactly who I am - I believe that all things happen for a reason, and I would be willing to go down a difficult path if I needed to. Even one where I might have to say goodbye to my baby shortly after birth.

What is your experience with prenatal screening?

{Ottawa Doula} Sabbatical

As this pregnancy moves along, I am reminded daily that I will soon be taking a sabbatical from birth doula work. Every visit that I make to my client's homes and every baby that I witness coming into the world is bittersweet. I know that soon I will be the one on the birthing stool, and although I anticipate the joy of this, I know that my days of jumping out of bed to attend a birth at 1 a.m. are numbered.

Turning away clients has so far been the hardest part. I will not be taking on primary clients after August 1st (although may provide occasional backup for my doula friends). With each email I send out, I don't mourn so much the loss of income or "business," but more the loss of an intimate connection with people on the path to parenthood.

In this job, there needs to be boundaries (of course), but these boundaries are loose and sometimes transparent. I witness what we normally deem to be human frailty, or perhaps loss of control. As we go about our daily lives, meeting and working with other people, it's unlikely we have the opportunity to see the nakedness of our humanity - to see ourselves as we have always been. Animalistic, primal, and grounded.

Palliative care nurses may say the same - in our jobs, we see the essence of this life. We witness the comings and goings; the circle as it begins and completes. It is whole, it is real, and it never ceases to amaze me.

But doula work is hard with little ones around. You must have someone who is willing to take your kids at the last minute, and sometimes at unpredictable hours (depending on what your husband does - mine does not have a 9-5 job, and so we sometimes need childcare before 7 a.m. or after 5 p.m.). As well, you become that person. The one that cancels last minute, or just never shows up to events or appointments. The one that can only make plans by saying "however, I'm on-call for a birth at that time..." The one who can only travel if she takes 4 weeks off, and doesn't get paid for vacation.

As well, doula work does not pay a lot. Most people balk at the cost ("what!! You charge $550 to attend a birth?!"), but depending on the length of the birth and the hours I have dedicated to pre and postnatal care, I'm sometimes getting paid $15 per hour. For our family, full-time doula work (4 births per month) would not pay the bills. I've also come to the conclusion that my current life, with 3 days per week of work at the hospital and 2 births per month, while caring for a preschooler and a small baby, would be madness.

So despite the fact that I think I've found my calling; the thing I've always wanted to do with my life, I may need to step away for a while. Or at least until I can find a way to manage my home, love my children, give my hubby the attention he deserves, be a good friend/daughter/sister, AND attend births...all at the same time, and with a smile!

But stepping away doesn't mean saying goodbye. I'm happy to say I will soon be teaching prenatal classes with Birthcare. And with that comes the occasional backup I can do for other instructors, who are all doulas themselves. It may also be possible for me to do extra training in breastfeeding and postpartum doula care, which although the market is highly saturated, may offer some better daytime hours. And I will certainly never turn away a repeat client - the joy of following someone through to their second (or third!) pregnancy is too much to give up.

So, my hope is to have the best of both worlds. To keep my foot in the door, for when I feel like life will allow me to return. Giving up on my dream job is not an option. Allowing my dream to work alongside reality, is.

Are you a small business owner or doula? How do you manage to balance work life with small children?

For the joy of it

Remember this post? I had Feist's song stuck in my head at the time...

The decision to have a second (or third, or fourth, or...) baby is a deeply personal and highly charged decision. Or maybe not. Maybe your decision was quite simple - at the age of 16, for instance, you decided that you would have exactly 2 children. One boy, and one girl, for good measure.

For me, the decision was deeply personal and convoluted. There were moments where my husband felt ready for another baby, and I felt ready for my next glass of wine. Then there were moments where I felt the tug of baby as an ancient and powerful female desire. My uterus was literally calling out to me. And at these moments, hubby was quite content to head to the fridge for his next beer.

All of a sudden, though, we seemed to click. We began tentatively discussing "if," and then soon we were discussing "when." It came down to this: we ultimately could not see ourselves moving on in life without inviting another little person join our clan.

Maybe this little person would decline our invitation. Maybe once they showed up, they would be the unwelcome house guest (or that douche bag roommate you lived with in college) - getting drunk and rowdy, staying up too late into the night, waking us up at ungodly hours. Maybe they would even cry a lot and be emotionally dependent.

But we felt compelled to write the invitation.

Because buried within the chaos of The World of Newborn, there are hidden gems, worth ten times the frustration, sleep deprivation, guilt and sadness that may come along with parenthood. And with each "phase" there comes more joy and laughter  - when you meet your partner's eyes over the top of your child's head, and mutually bask in the question "did we actually make this little character?"

In the words of Peggy Vincent, we took a leap of faith, "just for the joy of it."

I may question my parenting techniques, my ability to be a good mother, and, let's be honest, my sanity. But what I will never question is whether I have the capacity to love. I will never wonder whether there will be joy. I will never wonder whether I made a mistake, because there are no mistakes in motherhood - there are only solid stepping stones of success and personal growth (and yes, these come with heartache and occasional exhaustion!)

And although I must sound as though I'm walking through the valley of the blissful-pregnant-lady, I'm also highly realistic of what's in store for us. Which is why I realize that my birth doula work may need to be on hold for a couple of years; and why I might need to be resourceful in finding ways to make money AND be a good mom; and why I need to stock away every last penny right now, in order to survive the bare-bones EI benefits I will receive; and why I might need to swallow my pride and just reach out for help.

So with eyes wide open, we moved forward, and extended the invitation. And a miniature someone received, and accepted.

Onya Baby: Guest Blogging

Onya Baby is a family-owned company that makes super awesome baby carriers. I was thrilled when Diana from Onya Baby asked me to guest post today, in honour of World Doula Week.

Swing by and check out the post: A Day in the Life of a Doula. And while you're there? Learn more about the benefits of carrying your baby! Your days of lugging around that car seat may soon be over...

Happy Weekend!

Anna Belanger (and a little announcement)

Early pregnancy was not much fun for me. Actually, to be honest, I didn't enjoy pregnancy in general. Some women are very content in their changing bodies - they eat healthier, exercise more, and seem to blossom with each passing day.

I, on the other hand, morph from a relatively smart, functioning woman, to a vomiting, sobbing and snotty mess. I didn't eat healthy at all in the first few months. I followed the "white" diet - white bread, white pasta, and maybe some ice cream. I was sick constantly, and my moods fluctuated like this unseasonal March weather we're having. I also developed what I called the Crazy Ear Disease (otherwise known as Patulous Eustachian tube, a very rare disorder that seemed to be triggered by the pregnancy hormone Relaxin), which followed me right through to the birth.

Add to that the fact that dear daughter was an unplanned pregnancy. Yes, of course I'd thought about children (I was 28 years old after all); I just didn't think it would happen 3 months following my wedding, at a time when most couples are excited to spend their honeymoon phase travelling or saving money to buy a house. And despite my age, I knew very few friends who were pregnant or had given birth. So there weren't a lot of people to turn to in the months following conception.

One morning, after my routine of dry heaves and soda crackers, hubby brought me his local business newspaper - a publication that highlighted business news in the Ottawa area. On the front cover was an announcement that a local massage therapy practice had hired their first Massage Therapist who was trained in pre- and post-natal massage. Her name was Anna Belanger.

I booked myself a massage, and arrived not quite knowing what to expect. I had been for massage therapy in the past, but never with a growing belly. Anna introduced me to her special "pillows," which allowed me to lie on my tummy, with my belly and breasts hanging comfortably in the curves of the pillow.

Well let me tell ya': that first massage was an eye opener. I left the clinic practically floating to my car. And not only did I feel good physically, but I also felt a renewed sense of hope. Finally, someone got it. Someone was able to relate to my nausea and vomiting, my pregnancy neuroses, and my anxiety over becoming a first time mom. As a mother of four, Anna could relate to all of my worries. She not only helped to reduce these worries, but added some much-needed humour to the situation.

I continued to see Anna throughout my pregnancy, and then in a moment of fate, asked her to be the backup doula for my birth. The woman I had asked to be my primary doula was going away to a wedding 3 days following my due date. Anna's spidey senses told her that she would be the one attending my birth, and she was right! Anna provided continual support throughout the birth of my daughter, and got to witness even more of my puking, snotty self :) In the postpartum weeks, she was the one who taught me how to breastfeed lying down, as we practiced right on her massage table! Newborn babies are always welcome in Anna's clinic (although let your hubby take the baby away after the cooing and ahhing is over - you need to enjoy your postpartum massage!).

In the years since that first massage, I have remained one of Anna's devoted clients, and have watched her small business grow into a booming niche-clinic in the Glebe. And although you'll hear some occasional selfish complaints from me (e.g. I have to wait how long to see you again??), I am over-the-moon with joy for her and her associates. It was because of Anna that I am now a doula myself, and share her passion for working with women.


So when I peed on a little stick several weeks ago and saw this.....

The lines kinda fuzzy, but it's there :)

....I knew who I needed to call. I'm excited that Anna will be able to attend the birth of baby #2, and I'm also thrilled that I now have an excuse to book a monthly massage (not that I needed one!)

As women, we are destined to live through such a multitude of scary, joyful and heartbreaking experiences, and it's a must that we surround ourselves with people who "get" us. Some of us are experiencing loss. Others are dealing with the ravages of infertility. Many of us are moving through pregnancy and birth. Some have no interest in babies at all, but are struggling with other physical and mental health concerns. And some are witnessing the drastic hormonal shifts that occur as we say goodbye to our childbearing years. In all of this, a gentle hand and a kind word is all we need to be able to take a deep breath, and relax into our bodies - as imperfectly perfect as they are.

So if you are a woman living in the Ottawa area, do yourself a favour, and book a massage with Anna Belanger and Associates.

And join me in taking a deep breath...here we go again!!