Two Days to Breathe

Two days.....it felt long, but of course, never long enough.

Two days to celebrate love.

(can you believe we didn't get a pic of the two of us?)

Two days to taste my first rabbit pie, pig's knuckle and boar sausage.

The Quebec Tasting Platter - the most meat I've eaten in my life

Two days to walk the blistering cold cobblestone streets of Old Quebec.

Two days to dive into a great book (The Colony of Unrequited Dreams, by Wayne Johnston)

Two days to read random poetry on poles... "chaque jour, une fleur" (every day, a flower)

Two days to breathe

though cold, catching breaths

let loose clouds of steam

that rise up and over the steeples

of the old city

Bloggy Break

I have been on an unintended blogging break! This happens every once in a while - life usually takes over, and creative writing juices do not flow.

I've also "done it again" - over-committed myself, which has resulted in crazy schedules, sickness (because of my lowered immune system), and an overall sense of not being able to follow through on things. So I've spent this past week scaling back, and coming to the realization (again!!) that I can't do it all.

My New Year's resolution was to become less scatterbrained. But I can't be clear of mind if I'm constantly running from one meeting/appointment/event to the next, and never taking time to prioritize.

This weekend hubby and I are off to a romantic weekend away in Quebec City. It's our first time going away sans child (except for one rushed night away for a wedding ages ago), and I'm looking forward to just taking time to breathe...without the constant nagging of Twitter, Facebook, calendars and toddlers.

Once back, I'm excited to write some new posts - I will be chronicling our "cook-off" day for freezer meals (which other families out there might find helpful!), remembering our beloved family dog, and discussing my challenges with prioritizing for health and happiness.

Until then, have a LOVEly Valentine's Day!

Things I Learned on the Internet

There are many things that I like about the internet. Sometimes I curse the internet – like when my daughter has said “mama?” five times, and I’ve neglected to hear her because I’m looking at my Twitter feed. Or when I stare sadly at the mountainous pile of dishes in my sink, after wasting an hour surfing my fav blogs and websites.

But then there are moments of pure delight, and I wonder how I ever survived without this magical tool. The tool that allows me to get the answer to any question I have; the tool that connects me to amazing, talented people who write articles that lift me up to the heavens; and the tool that gives me insight into the kind of life I want to be living.

My week on the internet has been on of those magic-inducing weeks. Here are some highlights

• Most of you probably read Glennon Melton’s piece in the Huffington Post. If you didn’t, you must read it. And if you read it, you must head on over to my friend Sara’s blog, and read her response. Both are insightful for any mother (or father!) out there.
• After that, I did some googling on Glennon, and found her blog Momastery. All I can say is…..wow. This woman has some serious talent in writing. And the weird thing? I’m totally not religious (unless you consider my dabbling in Buddhism to be “religion”; or my token visits to church at Christmas), and yet all of her posts where she talks about God and Jesus give me goosebumps. If I read any more, I may soon be accepting the Lord as my saviour and making a beeline for the church down the street.
• I discovered that I can make tortillas. Really easily. And it cost me, like, 40 cents. Have you read the ingredients on the tortillas that you buy from the grocery store? It’s like a chemical bomb erupted in your mouth! 
• And the most important, all-time, best thing I have learned from the internet (this week): I can make my own hair gel using water and flaxseeds. And it WORKS. This is a seriously amazing thing for a curly-haired gal. I have tried bottles of different kinds of spray, moose and hair gel, and only about 5% of them actually work to reduce frizziness. And the chemical bomb I was talking about earlier? Hair gel is a big-ass atom bomb.

What have you learned this week? What has inspired you?

{Ottawa Doula} Let's talk about.....sex

Yes, I'm going to do it (pun intended).

I'm going to talk about the thing that we don't really talk about - unless you're a bunch of moms diving into glasses of beer and wine, while experiencing several hours of kid-free bliss at a local high-end establishment (as I may have been doing the other evening).

Then you talk about it.

IT......SEX. (Disclaimer: this post contains scenes of nudity and coarse language. Reader discretion is advised.)

Sex is one thing that expectant parents want to know more about, but is a subject that is hard to broach with family, friends and healthcare providers.

Oh sure, there's plenty of information out there. All of your pregnancy books will talk about sex during pregnancy and postpartum, and you can read anything you want on popular baby websites.

But the reality is usually quite different, and as with any issue/topic, you can be treading muddied waters. No woman (or man) is the same, and experiences differ widely.

I thought a lot about how to write on this topic - should I make bullet points? List some of the myths associated with pregnancy and sex? Write about my own experience (ummm....TMI)? Then I thought about a top 10 list...."top 10 things you might not know about sex." But I think we all know those.

For instance, I'm sure you're well aware that a man's penis cannot "bump" into your baby's head while having sex during pregnancy. And your baby cannot "feel" you having sex. And from my post the other week, you know that orgasm during childbirth is rare (and perhaps a myth). And you probably realize that you won't be jumping right back into the sack after pushing out your baby.

But what is "normal"? What kinds of things might happen to you, and what kinds of things will you experience?

To answer this question, I always like to consult Season 4 of Sex and the City. Because, you know, Sex and the City is just like real life....really. We all have oodles of money to spend on fancy restaurants and posh New York night clubs. And we all live in really awesome apartments in the Big Apple. Come on, I can dream though, can't I?

The reason I like Miranda's experience in pregnancy is that the show's producers stick to pretty "normal" issues - Miranda puking on the phone while talking to Carrie; Miranda farting up a stinky storm in a shoe store; Miranda so horny that she'll sleep with father/ex-lover Steve; and Miranda feeling lost in the postpartum period, as she struggles with sleep deprivation, loss of non-mommy friends, and a pretty dry sex life.

So to add to this list, let's create some additional fictional episodes of Sex and the City, featuring a pregnant (or postpartum) Miranda - I know I've also committed blasphemy by not remaining true to the story, as Steve is not really supposed to be living with Miranda. Please don't write me emails trying to educate me on how Season 4 really went :)

These are all issues that women, at one time or another, have dealt with. And I've probably missed plenty of them, so feel free to add.

Episode 1
Contrary to the real Sex and the City episode, this time, Miranda is pregnant and does not want to have sex. She has no desire, whatsoever. She is big, bloated, and can't even see her toes, let alone her vagina. So no sex here Steve-o, sorry!!

Episode 2
The girls meet at their local spot, and Miranda worries about the state of her vagina, post-baby. She experienced a 2nd degree tear, and wonders if it will ever be the same "down there" again. The episode ends positively, with Miranda braving a peek with a mirror, and discovering it pretty much looks the same - minus the stitches, swelling and bleeding (kidding! It totally goes back to normal....I promise....although you may experience more of those unpleasant "queefs" than you did pre-pregnancy, a.k.a farts out of your vagina)

Episode 3
Miranda has decided to bed-share with little Brady, and Steve makes the mistake of disagreeing with her. He thinks it will "ruin" their sex lives. Miranda points out that, first of all, she has no interest in having sex at the moment. And second of all, if Steve is so disingenuous that he can't think of some alternate places to make love, than maybe he's not such a great lover after all.

Episode 4
Miranda and Steve decide to try to have sex 6 weeks after the birth, only to realize that Miranda's birth canal has turned into the Arabian desert - dry, dry, dry. They must use an entire bottle of lubricant just to get things going, which quickly evaporates within the place-where-no-wet-things-live.

Episode 5
Miranda worries about birth control. Her period comes back much earlier than she thought it would (while breastfeeding) and she knows her body will soon be back into baby-making shape. But this is not good - ohhhhh no, definitely not good. No babies, ever again (or so she thinks). So, a birth control conversation takes place amongst the girls. Condoms are out - much too sore for a dry girl. The pill is out - no hormones while breastfeeding! The IUD is expensive.....but, maybe she could try Taking Charge of Your Fertility, the wildly popular new do-it-yourself gynaecological bible (seriously, read it. It's good!)

Episode 6
Miranda and Steve quickly realize that they won't be having sex after the typical "6 week postpartum" rule. It may be more like a "6 year postpartum" rule. Miranda feels pressured to have sex, and Steve feels put out that Miranda isn't ready when the pregnancy books say she will be. In fact, after the first year postpartum, they count that they have had sex only 4 times. That's averaging 0.3 times per month.

Episode 7 - the happy ending
Miranda and Steve finally have a successful "coming together" and Miranda discovers that not only is her body back to normal, but sex is better than it ever was before! Samantha is very jealous, and considers having a child herself.

See? Everything always ends happily.....on TV. But in real life, it might not. Severe tearing, crappy suturing jobs, and infections can make for a not-so-good sex life. Things sometimes get a little tight down there if you've been sewn up. If this is the case, I suggest you consult a knowledgeable physiotherapist about getting your "flexibility" back. Here's a great one in Ottawa: Heather Grewar

Babies take up a lot of physical space. They suck away at you (literally) for most hours of the day, and the last thing you want to do at the end of the day is hop into your lacy panties and put on Marvin Gaye's "Get It On." Some women struggle with sexual desire even when their babies grow up into toddlers. My advice to you would be to recall situations/memories when you easily experienced sexual desires, and try to recreate them. Most women begin to drool over the sight of a clean kitchen, folded laundry and washed floors....hubbies, take note!!

In addition to physical issues, feelings and emotions can also play a role in postpartum sex. Both Mom and Dad can feel traumatized by their birth experience. Some men who are unprepared for childbirth (and who may have specific fears relating to blood etc.) can experience significant trauma related to his witnessing of the birth. Women may feel disappointed or angry if the birth didn't go as planned. These issues should most definitely be dealt with, especially if you want to maintain a strong relationship with your partner for years to come. A good counsellor can go a long way in helping you both work through various challenges.

Ladies (and men), do not despair. If  your sex life was great before baby, it can still be great post-baby. If you give yourself time, and if your hubby is willing to give you time (sans guilt trip), then it can make your first tries quite fun - almost like being a virgin again!

But remember, both of you are responsible for making your sex life work. And if you don't want it to work, well, that's another kettle of fish.

Reporting from between the bed sheets, I'm Misty Pratt.

Babies in 3D

I came across this article today, about the rise in numbers of parents scheduling 3D and 4D ultrasounds of their babies. This particular article is about "fetus parties" (which sounds really weird), but touches on the issue of ultrasound in general.

Studies conducted in the recent past have concluded that ultrasound in prenatal care has no significant impacts on neurological development. However, more recent studies (such as quoted here), have found brain damage in ultrasound experiments with mice - the kind of damage consistent in the brains of children with autism.

Now, we know that everyone is trying to pin the blame for autism somewhere. I've written about possible links to pitocin, and you know the rumours (yes, just rumours - nothing has been proven) over links with vaccinations.

Both of those things concern me, too. I didn't have to worry about pitocin, as I was not induced and my labour wasn't augmented. I did vaccinate my child, but with some reservations. I was not so much worried about the link to autism (as I had read about the retraction of the Lancet article), but I was worried more about the preservatives used in the vaccines. Injecting my child with formaldehyde doesn't seem very appealing, but I weighed the risks and benefits, and made an informed choice.

But when it comes to ultrasound, no one talks about risks. Ultrasounds are made out to be "perfectly safe," and women are sent for ultrasounds any time a small concern arises. Furthermore, as the article discusses above, new 3D and 4D ultrasounds are bringing in the big bucks by offering expectant parents a chance to view their child in a way that makes them look "real" (as opposed to the alien-like pictures you are given at your regular ultrasound appointments). Most parents I know (including myself!) have no idea that there are suspected risks involved with ultrasound technology.

Here's my ultrasound experience:
When I first got pregnant, I was sent for a "dating" ultrasound, as my menstrual cycles had not been very regular (because, of course, we have to know our exact due dates...insert sarcasm). This occurred at 10 weeks. I later consented to the regular 20 week ultrasound, which also included the prenatal screening for things like Down's Syndrome. However, my baby was not very cooperative in my belly, and they couldn't get proper measurements. So, back again the following week!

Several weeks later I experienced some light spotting, and was sent for another one to confirm everything was OK (it was). This was followed by another ultrasound to check growth, as my belly was not growing the average 1cm per week. In dealing with an inept technician at the Kemptville Hospital, I then had to go back for a repeat ultrasound to check again.

So let's count them: that's SIX ultrasounds! And that was for a healthy, low-risk pregnancy. I wonder how many ultrasounds women get who are considered high-risk?

I'm not trying to scare you here into refusing all ultrasounds. Clearly, much more research needs to be done to find out if there are any risks to your baby. But what I am trying to do here is to highlight that ultrasound technology does do something, and there is evidence that this "something" affects the brain. So if you are consenting to many unnecessary ultrasounds and participating in these costly 3D and 4D sessions, you may want to do a bit more reading.

Technology often comes with a cost. Maybe it's time for us to become more aware of those costs, and the impact they're having on our babies and our children.

The Case of the Missing Bathing Suit

The inspector sat in his wing-backed chair, squinting at the report in his hand. The light was poor, and the cigar smoke drifting up from the tray made it difficult to focus on the words.


The door to his office slammed open. A woman entered, and the Inspector could instantly sense her distress. Her hat was slightly askew, and her hair had been hastily pinned.


"Inspector," she cried breathlessly. "There's been a robbery."


"Why don't you take a seat." He got up, and putting a firm hand on her elbow, guided her to the chair.


"I'm sorry," she said, brushing the hair from her eyes. "It's just been so distressing." She proceeded to tell the inspector her story.


****************** Fast Forward 6 Weeks ******************

"I'm sorry to be the one to break the news to you, my dear." The inspector was sympathetic. "We've discovered that, in fact, there was no robbery. It was simply a misunderstanding - your husband accidentally donated all of your summer clothing to The Salvation Army. He must have mistaken the box with your bathing suit for goods that were to be given to the poor."


"Well....," she said, at a loss for words.




Yes, it's a true story (minus the inspector). My summer clothes are gone - now hanging at the local Salvation Army. Or so I assume, as I haven't had a chance to go "shopping" there yet. The Salvation Army is closed on Sundays (duh).

All of my bathing suits (actually, I'm guessing those get thrown out), my shorts, tanks and god knows what else, are on display for the world to purchase. At a low cost, mind you.

The situation is a funny one, because really, things like this only happen to me, ie. people who are dumb enough not to double check all of the bags and boxes of stuff being loaded into the car.

Many people living in this world don't even have enough clothes to wear, so really, I can't be very upset. Except for the fact that we're on a strict budget at the moment, and I can't really afford to buy a bunch of new things (I've budgeted for 1 new pair of work pants for the next month). And it won't be a problem until the weather is warm enough for me to waltz around in shorts and t-shirts.

So the whole kerfuffle has me reflecting on the value of my clothes, and thinking back to a recent interview I heard on CBC's Q. The clothes we buy from stores like Reitmans and H&M cost pennies to make, but cost lives to consume. The "sweat shop" issue is far from old news. In the 1990's there was a big hue and a cry over practices by brands such as Nike. And yet today, we barely here a peep of dissidence, despite our ever-growing appetite for cheap and fashionable clothing.

I haven't read the book featured on Q, but the interview certainly struck a cord. Most of us fill our closets with cheaply made clothes, replacing our things with the changes of the seasons. And every garment we buy will end up in a landfill - despite our efforts at donating clothes, they will someday need to be disposed of. And the new fabrics, which are not natural at all, do not decompose well in our mountainous landfills.

The answer to the problem is a tough one for the "modern" woman (ie. the woman who wants to look semi-fashionable, especially in the workplace where this is expected) - we must spend money on really good quality clothing, which will last 10x longer then the hastily sewn stuff at H&M, but our bank account will suffer in the short-term. We don't tend to see the long-term benefits, and in a consumer driven world, this is not enough motivation to change our purchasing habits.

So in essence, it's a behavioural change problem - a lot of us know about the social and environmental impact we have on our world, but this doesn't translate into changed behaviour. We may care about the workers who are treated poorly in other countries; we may care about the massive quantities of natural resources used to make our clothing; and we may care about the waste; but we care more about our wardrobe and how we "look" to others.

In having lost all of my clothes (some of which I may recover by taking a visit to the good old Salvation Army), I am suddenly forced to take a good look at my desire for new clothes, coupled with my desire for a sustainable wardrobe. My goal in the next few months will be to scour the city and online stores for clothing that is going to last me a long time, albeit at a much greater cost in the short-term.

First up? A bathing suit - I may not be allowed to enter the pool with A's swim class wearing only my birthday suit :)

Have any tips or suggestions for sustainable clothing? Share them below!

{Ottawa Doula} Research to Action

I sat in on an  interesting presentation at work today about "knowledge translation" - a very basic term describing how research actually gets translated into practice.

She used a great story to kick-off the talk:

In 1497, a ship sailing with 160 sailors discovered that supplementing the men with lemon juice may have helped to ward off/cure scurvy. Guess how long it took for the British government to formally implement the citrus remedy onto every ship setting sail from the country?

368 years.


So for 368 years, more and more researchers discovered (and conducted trials) to assess the applicability of citrus juice in preventing or treating scurvy. But it took until 1865 for the "head honchos" to do anything with the life-saving information. Soon, all ships sailing from Britain used citrus fruits to ward of the impact of scurvy.


Luckily for us modern folks, the gap between research and practice has now shrunk to 17 years. Yikes - still doesn't seem that great, does it?

Let's take a birth-related example. Research for the past several years has shown that delayed cord clamping can have significant benefits for the newborn. However, most hospitals, unless you insist (and you have to be quick - they'll go "snip, snip" before you know it!) will cut the cord immediately after birth.

So why the gap? There are 2 main reasons:

• Researchers don't do enough to pass their findings on to health care practitioners - instead, they focus on publication, which they are bound to do by the institutions they work for ("publish or die" is pretty much the mantra in the research world)
• Doctors don't have time to read hundreds of studies published in medical journals

We're all working on solutions to the problem, mainly by attempting to be better at translating knowledge - by working directly with patients, health care professionals, and other interest groups.

But in the meantime, what's a poor pregnant mama to do? Maybe you've heard of something that could be beneficial to yourself or your baby, but it's not common practice at your institution. Here are some tips for putting your own research into action:

1) Stay really well informed. Avoid wasting time with websites like Baby Centre or books like What to Expect When You're Expecting. These are not sources of good quality evidence. Instead, check out these websites:

MotherRisk

Health Evidence

Cochrane Library

2) If you read something you want to know more about, print off a copy and bring it to your next prenatal appointment. Doctors are time-strapped, but they do appreciate (generally) patients who are well informed.

3) Compromise. Try to come to some agreement with your healthcare practitioner. It's never helpful to become angry, and most doctor's don't respond well to "unruly" patients. Remember that they're working within an institution, which comes along with many rules and regulations - sometimes they want to help, but their hands are tied.

4) Accept when something may not be possible. Despite all of your efforts to convince your doctor that a certain procedure is beneficial, they may be bound by hospital policy.

5) Know your rights. You do have rights as a patient!

6) If you can't change it, go somewhere else! If it's not too late, try to find a practitioner who is more willing to address your needs.