Reflection

I never supposed that I would be an everyday blogger, but I didn't quite realize how much life would get in the way of me logging on and posting. I'm embarassed at how long it's been since my last post, and since I last checked out my favourite blogs. I only hope that as time goes on, it becomes a part of my daily routine to read, comment and post my own musings on life.

There has been a reason for my disappearance, and she is a pudgy little bundle of joy I call my daughter. We have had a week of interesting "events," the first being when A. fell forward onto her face, and went into such a hysterical cry that she passed out. We weren't aware that babies can actually do that, but she has enlightened us by doing it again a couple of times since. Following that, she came down with a very high fever which warranted a trip to the emergency department, where we waited for 8 hours for doctors to tell us they didn't know the cause of the fever. Several days later, she broke out into a rash, and we concluded it must have been Roseola (again, something else I'd never heard of - isn't google wonderful??). THEN, to top it all off, she fell in the bathroom and with blood gushing from a cut above her eye, we once again took a trip to an urgent care clinic.

Phew, I feel tired just writing about it.

The good news is that none of this is at all serious, and she is doing just fine. It did, however, take up a lot of my time and energy, and she has been a human starfish for the past little while, stuck to me like glue.

It's amazing the revelations that occur when you have children, and all the significant and insignificant things they teach you every day. Sometimes it's a lesson that you don't even know you've learned, until you have a chance to take a deep breath and reflect. Excuse me for sounding a bit melodramatic, but I feel so strongly that fate, or destiny, or whatever you want to call it, was at work when we had our daughter.

We never planned on getting pregnant so soon after our wedding, and it came as quite a shock when the second little line showed up on the pregnancy test. I had been certain my period was just late, as it was never regular, but a little niggling voice in the back of my head told me to buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy...just to be sure.

Since her arrival, I have been thrown into a life that is no longer within my control (but really, are we ever in control?). I have had to learn a very deep and infinite level of patience, and my own worries have taken a backseat to caring for my little girl. Never before have I devoted so much time, effort, blood, sweat and tears to someone else. It's been slightly more intense because of her illness, but I'm sure all mothers can relate to this - even the ones with the "angel" babies! But in the moments I do get a chance to breathe and reflect, I come to the conclusion that I wouldn't trade this for anything in the whole world.

This song came on in the car yesterday, and as it played, the sun shone low over the hills in Quebec, and I felt a true sense of peace I haven't felt in quite a while. This is "Dreams" by the Cranberries.

Oh, my life is changing everyday,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.