These last two weeks have been a whirlwind of birthdays (my hubby's and A's), our anniversary (two years!) and the end of maternity leave. We threw A a lovely first birthday party, and a lot of my family and friends came to Ottawa to partake in the festivities. As Tom's Dad was leaving, he said to me, "a lot has happened in these two years since you and Tom were married. I only hope that this has made your marriage stronger."
And you know what? He's right! Despite the huge changes we have gone through in such a short period of time, our bond is stronger than ever. Although I can say that we are ecstatically happy as parents now, the first several months raising A was the hardest thing we've ever been through. She came out screaming, and didn't stop for almost 6 months. I once said to Tom, dead serious, that we needed to give her up for adoption because I didn't think I could take care of her. We've spent many nights at 2am holding each other, in tears, wondering how we ever thought we could raise a child.
But then, slowly but surely, A's reflux issues got better, and we suddenly found ourselves fascinated and delighted with the little personality that was emerging. We suddenly realized how special all those nights of walking, rocking and holding were, and how much she truly loved and appreciated us for caring for her while she was in pain. Now, almost every day I think of how boring my life would be without her!
Despite so much of our energy and love having been used for our little girl, I feel as though the love between us has grown exponentially. Where once we used to clam up when the going got rough, and hide in our little shells, now we are forced to open up the communication lines and face our fears. A has brought out the best and worst in both of us, and we move forward in our marriage with a much clearer picture of who we are, both as individuals and as a couple.
"I Will Love You" by Fisher is the song we played for our first dance together at our wedding. Please listen to it - it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.
'Til my body is dust
'til my soul is no more
I will love you, love you
'Til the sun starts to cry
and the moon turns to rust
I will love you, love you
And I need to know -
will you stay for all time
forever and a day
Then I'll give my heart
'til the end of all time
forever and a day
'Til the storms fill my eyes
and we touch the last time
I will love you, love you
I will love you, love you...
The first birthday is such a moving milestone! So many memories in such a short but rich time...and the most profound sense of accomplishment and gratitude that you survived it! Those early days (I had three screamers!) fade into your distant memory...hard to believe, I know. Happy Birthday, Aylen! And to you, mama and papa, too! You did it!
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