Parent to Parent

I had an interesting conversation with my neighbour the other day. She's 37, lives with her boyfriend, and has always known she never wanted kids. She invited me over for a beer on Saturday night, and we got to chatting about how much different things are between "kid people" and "non-kid people."

This neighbour of mine is fun-loving and carefree. She takes off on a whim, travelling down south with her girlfriends or taking weekend trips to Montreal. She lives the life I thought I wanted back in my early twenties, before a little voice in my head began to wonder what it would be like to be a mother. I can hardly remember the last time I went out to a bar dancing and partying until dawn. Instead, I am greeting the dawn with my little bug curled up next to me in bed.

My very best friend is not yet a mother, and I can sometimes sense the tension between us. The other day on the phone with her, I was marvelling at the fact that my little girl was fuss-free for an entire day while we were out visiting relatives. My friend jokingly commented that it was because she is spoiled at home, but is allowed to be independent when we're out and about. My mama bear instincts immediately went on the defensive. I felt attacked - somebody who is not yet a parent had the gall to judge the way I was parenting!

Then I remembered how I was while pregnant. My husband and I would lie on the bed together stroking my belly, and we would discuss all the ways WE would be the best parents in the world. No way were we going to let our child rule the nest, and we were going to be sure that the little one was unspoiled and well behaved.

The second I pushed that little girl out of my body, all my careful planning and calculating went out the window. Instead of listening to baby trainers and well meaning family and friends, we began to parent the way we wanted and the way our baby wanted. We joke now that we were probably "better" parents before we actually had a child!

One of my favourite movies is called "Away We Go." In one scene, the characters of Jon Krasinski and a pregnant Maya Rudolph do exactly what my husband and I used to do. They create a wishlist of all the things they will, or will not do for their unborn child. It's a beautiful moment that reminds me of all the anticipation, anxiety and excitement that we experienced during pregnancy. As parents we can all plan to our hearts' content, but in my mind, the true experience of parenthood begins the moment our babies take their first breath. Here is a beautiful song from the soundtrack to that movie...

"All My Days" by Alexi Murdoch from the "Away We Go" soundtrack

Well I have been searching
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I've been walking on
All of my days
And I've been trying to find
What's been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I've been trying to find
What's been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it's just too bright
As the days keep turning into night

Now I see clearly
It's you I'm looking for
All of my days
So I'll smile
I know I'll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems you found me
And it's coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
Yes even breathing
Feels all right