Coming to my senses

What does it mean to "come to our senses?" We say this all the time when chatting with friends and families about decisions that we make, but it's interesting to take a look at the saying in more detail. To me, it suggests that I have somehow been existing outside of my physical body, and have been caught up in the thoughts of my mind. The thinking brain vs. the feeling body. So instead of taking time to smell, touch, see, hear and taste, I have been.....just thinking!

In my opinion, living in our minds is a huge problem in our society. Instead of relying on intuition and kinesthetic learning, we bury our noses in books and rely on the expertise of others. It's not our fault - our entire educational system teaches us to do this. And at first, we reap many rewards from being "bookish." We get high marks in school, apply to the best post-secondary programs, and go on to graduate with top honours. We get good jobs, more money, and a better lifestyle.

But at some point, many of us begin to wonder what it's all about: "where has all this thinking gotten me, and why the hell am I not happy?" To quote Shakespeare, "therin lies the rub..." (in other words, there's the catch!)

Keeping in mind that this is entirely my opinion, "the catch" is that all of this thinking, reading, memorizing and studying has led nowhere, as we have neglected to pay attention to our bodies. Our raw, soft and animal-like bodies, that used to rely so much on our senses in order to survive. Because don't forget, we are mammals, and have much in common with every other mammal on this earth. The only difference seems to be our cognition.

If I'm losing you here, let me get back to the point of this post. Up until this point, I seem to have been operating much more in my thinking mind than in my sensual body. Here are examples of my thoughts:

1) I need to have another baby this year
2) I must do this because my daughter needs a sibling, and I need to keep up with all the other friends who are having second babies
3) I should do this, because to have one child is to be a selfish mother - to be happy with the extra time I have now as my daughter grows older and becomes more independent
4) To be a good mother, I must give all of myself - have multiple children, stay home, and attend to their needs until they are old enough to fly the nest.

A lot of these thoughts have been subconscious, but as of late, I have managed to uncover them, and have realized a need to acknowledge them for what they truly are - just thoughts, and not reality.

The reality is that my life seems happily full right now. I'm enjoying the challenges of my jobs; I have established a great social network here in Ottawa and enjoy spending time with all my friends; I have a wonderful husband, daughter and cute little pug who require a lot of my attention; and there isn't too much extra time to focus entirely on me.

To add a second baby to the mix would take any tiny bit of time I have reserved for me, as well as time for other people and projects. And I've realized that it's not something I'm willing to do (at least at this time - I can always change my mind!) What I do need to do is help myself to see that I'm a good wife/mother just as I am, and don't need to prove anything by continually taking on challenges. As well, I don't handle stress well in the best of times, so a newborn baby would not bode well for our happy family life!

I am sad that I've come to this decision, because I had THE PLAN all laid out perfectly. But coming to my senses means allowing myself the option to stop thinking - to throw the plan out the window with the bathwater, and get back to the basics.

How have you come to your senses? For those of you who regularly read my blog, I invite you to become a "follower" by clicking on the link on the righthand side of this page.