Thursday, June 30, 2011

Alone..but hopefully not lonely!

My little baby (or, pardon me, my young daughter) has gone away for almost four days. My hubby has taken her to visit family, and left me here to rattle around in this big 'ol house. I could have joined them, obviously, but this was a short notice trip, and I had a lot of plans this weekend that I didn't want to cancel. As a doula, I already cancel enough on friends, and I'm worried that my social life may soon be non-existent if I don't take some quality "me" time.

My fun plans this weekend do not erase the anxiety I feel over my travelling daughter. Some of you may be thinking "is she crazy!? I'd give my left foot for a weekend alone!" And yes, I do have some of those feelings - evenings to myself to read all I want; time for major house cleaning that never seems to get done; and maybe even some time for exercise! So sure, I'm excited, as any Mommy might be.

But I'm also a bit scared, because....well....I just don't like being alone! I've always had a tough time being by myself - I envy those people who can go camping in the wilderness ALL BY THEMSELVES, or live in a big house ALL BY THEMSELVES. I get terrified camping, even if someone's with me!

I guess part of the problem is my imagination. In the city, I imagine rapists and murderers who break in to my house to get me. I'll wake up a couple of times a night just to check the locks on the doors, and if I hear a strange noise, there is no sleep to be had! In the country/wilderness, I am spooked by wildlife, and maybe even a ghost or two. There's just something so empty and desperate about a place without people, and I don't feel at all comfortable venturing there.

I'm probably also a bit nervous about A, and hoping that she's braver than Mommy. Maybe she'll be the kid who doesn't mind travelling, or sleepovers, or camp. Maybe she'll be able to leave me and not become homesick (like I used to do at camp when I was young). But she's not even two years old yet, and so I hope she can handle four days with Daddy and no Mommy. I've been told "she'll be fine," and so I am hoping that will be the case.

While I conquer my fear of loneliness and catch up on some much needed sleep, I'll also be venturing downtown to catch a glimse of William and Kate, and be participating in a big cook-off with a group of friends, in an effort to fill our freezers full of ready-made meals. Have a lovely Canada Day weekend everyone, and see you back here in a few days!

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