Try-a-Tri

Image Source 

Calling all able-bodied women!

If you're looking for the ultimate in adventure and endurance, it's now time to register for your first Try-a-Tri (trimester, that is)!

Touted as THE premier sporting event of the century, this race will push your body to its limits. And as a bonus, all competitors will receive a prize!





Race Outline
First Trimester
You will begin the race with excitement and optimism...but careful! If you don't take it easy now, you'll be in for a rough road ahead. Most competitors begin to falter at the 6th line. Nausea and even vomiting can occur. Breast tenderness and emotional breakdowns are all par for the course. Pace yourself!!

Second Trimester
Suddenly, a burst of energy carries you forward! Nausea is a thing of the past (except for those unlucky ones), and you are racing forward at the speed of a pregnant lady! Bathroom stations are set up at regular intervals, for those of you needing to relieve yourselves frequently. People cheer you on from the sides (warning: many spectators can interfere with your second Tri - they attempt to shout unwanted advice at you, and try to correct your racing posture. Pay them no mind, and keep going!)

Third Trimester
You can see the finish line in the distance, but it doesn't seem to be getting any closer. Your body slows down; you feel heavy and tired. You wonder if the race will EVER end. You wish you never signed up for this damned Try-a-Tri. But suddenly.....a stretch of road that's all downhill! You're skipping along to the finish!

But wait....you notice something. One FINAL, GIANT obstacle. A wall that you must scale, which seems to stretch up for miles. Your spectators rally around you, supporting you while you scale the heights. And soon, you're on the other side....elation! A cheer goes up in the crowd!

Prizes
All competitors, just for finishing the race, will receive 1 squishy, beautiful baby*

*Please note: exchanges will not be possible

To register, all you need to do is find yourself an able-bodied man - doesn't really matter which man! Any one will do! For questions and registration details, call 1-800-SUCKER.